How Does It Affect a Man to Have Been Given Up for Adoption at Birth?

Question by Cougar: How does it affect a man to have been given up for adoption at birth?

Best answer:

Answer by Mark N
Depends on how long he spent in orphanage or foster homes and the new upbringing. If there was not a lot of emphasis put on “being different” and the new home is pretty good, then the effects are fairly negligible. Being adopted earlier is better for the child, as the longer you spend in the system the more issues develop (even in infancy and toddlers). It is kind of a mind job to know deep down inside that someone basically gave you away or was unable to care for you. Even though you realize and respect intellectually that you’re better off and she wanted a better life for you, the raw human side is jarring when you think about it, as an adoptee. I’d say there really aren’t words for it, the sensation is more of a “lack” or an emptiness. Lack of connection, for sure, not to have daily contact with your human blood line. Also, I think it could cause latent issues in relationships with women, in terms of attachment and faith in commitment. One final note, the initial separation as an infant is pretty significant. If you’ve ever seen a baby cry when the mother leaves, just imagine if she never came back. I think it makes you colder for a short period of time. If the child is young enough (pre-adolescent), then the damage is easily reversed since the child’s mind is generally so elastic and plastic. There are so many other developments going on and society is so f’d up anyway these days, it’s like the least of the issues to be adopted and everything else is more violent. The fact that someone cared to take you in is much more comforting and rewarding as a human experience than, say, for example, watching your school mates shoot everyone up or getting date raped while drunk at the prom or having an abusive, alcoholic biological parent or losing a parent as a child to an accident or having a friend commit suicide when a teen or stuff like that.

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